Winning, accomplishing and striving for individual achievements are admirable qualities to cultivate in ourselves and others.
But there can be long-term detrimental effects to overemphasizing these traits.
One of these is a deficit in caring about others.
Adam Grant, a leading authority on the links between helpfulness, kindness, likability – and overall life success – lays this out well in a recent article in The Atlantic.
Psychologists have identified two main paths to popularity: status (which comes from being dominant and commanding attention) and likability (which comes from being friendly, kind and helpful.)
Quite a bit of evidence suggests that children who help others end up achieving more than those who don’t. Boys who are rated as helpful by their kindergarten teacher earn more money 30 years later. Middle-school students who help, cooperate, and share with their peers also get better grades and standardized-test scores.
Concern for others promotes healthy relationships and can ward off depression. Students who care for others also see their education as preparing to contribute to society which helps them persist even in the face of dull or difficult studies.
In adulthood, generous people make more money, earn better performance reviews, and are promoted more than their less generous peers. The meaning they find in helping others often leads to broader learning and deeper relationships, and ultimately to greater creativity and productivity.
Helping also provides immediate gratification because it creates what psychologists call a helper’s high. Economists call it the warm glow of giving.
So how do we change from the individual performance mindset to the helpfulness mindset?
Instead of asking about winning, losing and personal recognition, try asking about “Who did you help today?”
And look for opportunities to be helpful – and more likable – by sharing an idea, making an introduction, or giving constructive feedback.
We should all take pride and joy in our accomplishments—but kindness doesn’t require sacrificing those things. And the real test of achievement is not personal glory, but who we become and how we treat others.
Finally, kindness is contagious. Fostering kindness in ourselves is not only good for us, it’s good for everyone around us.
Have a great week.
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