We’ve all suffered from the words or actions of others.
We’ve all experienced the sting of a passive-aggressive remark, a betrayed confidence, or being excluded from a meeting or social setting, often without cause or warning. Sometimes they’re one-time infractions, and sometimes they go on for years.
They can be humiliating and hurtful. Plus, they can loop in our minds long after the moment has passed.
But here’s the hard truth: while we stew in resentment, the other person usually goes on with their day, oblivious, or sometimes feeling righteous and justified in their actions.
The only one suffering is us.
Can it be corrected with a conversation? Sure, when there’s love and friendship involved, but it can be difficult.
And with colleagues, acquaintances, and strangers, it’s even more difficult because a full accounting of the problem and resolution is unlikely.
That’s why the most expedient—and healthiest—solution is forgiveness.
But forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook. It’s about letting yourself off the hook. When we hold onto anger, we tie ourselves to the very behavior that hurt us. We carry it around like a weight, and it saps our energy at work and at home.
Forgiveness is not an act of surrender or approval, nor is it about forgetting or excusing. It’s about releasing the need to retaliate or ruminate. It’s choosing healing over hostility.
So, how do we get there? Ron Carucci is a leadership consultant and the author of “To Be Honest: Lead with the Power of Truth, Justice and Purpose.” Here are his recommendations from a recent HBR article:
1. Get clear on what forgiveness means.
Clarify beliefs and conditions. Reflect on your own experiences of receiving forgiveness. When have you been shown grace, and how can you show it now?
2. Acknowledge your emotions.
Name them: resentment, disappointment, embarrassment—they’re all valid. But are these feelings helping you move forward or keeping you stuck?
3. Shift the narrative.
Try to see the situation from a perspective beyond villain-victim thinking. You can’t control someone else’s behavior, only your own.
4. Intentionally let go.
Relinquish negative emotions toward this person. It may take time, through journaling or prayer, but the result is freedom. Matthew 5:44 exhorts: “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.”
Forgiveness isn’t weakness. It’s courage and control. And it’s one of the most valuable practices for mental, physical, and spiritual health.
Mercy and forgiveness aren’t always about who’s right or wrong, they’re about who’s ready to move forward. So, offer them not because the other person always deserves them, but rather, because you do.
Have a great week-
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