Candid and constructive feedback is difficult to deliver to family, friends and co-workers. Pointing out a shortcoming or area of improvement can feel mean and rude.
But it’s not. It’s compassionate. Above all, it’s helpful. How else can we know about our blind spots unless someone tells us about them?
Providing honest and direct feedback shows someone you have trust and confidence in them. It shows you have faith in their ability to change, get better, and ultimately succeed at the task at hand.
There is a right way to do it, however, otherwise things can deteriorate quickly. Patrick Lencioni sometimes refers to this as telling the “kind truth.” Here are a few guidelines:
- Ask permission. Start with “I noticed a couple of things, can I share some feedback with you?” This allows you to even out the power dynamic and speak more freely. It also prepares the other person to listen and receive it.
- Don’t beat around the bush. Trying to hedge and ease into the feedback usually dilutes or buries the value. Be direct and concise, and then be quiet.
- Do it regularly. Make it a habit to deliver the kind truth often. It creates a culture of open, honest and direct communications. It becomes more natural and more effective the more it happens.
Feedback is essential for any of us to get better and make real progress. Whether it’s positive or more critical, keep it coming at the same pace, with the same even-handed approach, and in the enthusiastic spirit of compassion, care, and true helpfulness.
Have a great week.
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