Tense conversations can go one of two ways: they can get worse or they can get better.
It’s easy to make them worse. When the amygdala, the emotional control center of the brain, gets overwhelmed it yields to the “fight” response. Physical defense mechanisms kick in and the ability to think clearly goes out the window.
Fortunately, these physical responses can be interrupted and reduced. Here are some things you can do to stay calm when conflict arises:
Breathe. Getting as much air to the brain as quickly as possible is one calming technique. Dr. Andrew Weil’s 4-7-8 Breath (also known as the Relaxing Breath) is the perfect, portable stress antidote, as it puts the practitioner in a relaxed state almost immediately.
Anchor. Get up and stretch, or walk and talk if you can. But if that’s not possible, trying placing your feet firmly and flatly on the ground and feeling the floor beneath them.
Try positive self-talk. Develop a calming phrase for yourself like “listen and learn” or “go to neutral.”
Label the emotion. Give yourself some space to think by recognizing the emotion and naming it. My colleague let the team down and I’m angry.
Take a time-out. Get away from the situation temporarily if you can. Excuse yourself to get a water or cup of coffee and be sure to offer to bring your colleague something as well. Generosity and helpfulness can go a long way in easing tensions.
Tough conversations are opportunities to mitigate friction, find common ground and discover real breakthroughs.
But you’ve got to get the conversation going in the right direction by neutralizing the body, staying in touch with the amygdala – and keeping your cool.
Have a great week.
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